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January 24, 2009
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Golden Eyes and Plastic Smiles

by ~Monsieur-nick

What am I?
Wolf, Human.
A mix of both.
It’s not in my nature to judge, pick apart, try to explain the whole of myself into a single meaning.
For me, it is this simple:

I’m human, with a human life.
Sleep, eat, go to school, come home, go to work.
Repeat.  Endlessly.
I live my life just as the rest of you do.
Simply human, nothing more.

But I’m also wolf.
Hunter, pack mate, wild one.
I want to play under the stars, sing to the moon.
I want to feel the rush of wind on my pelt as I run free, for once.
I want the safety of a pack, to own the night with my own kind.
But I never will.
Every morning I look into the mirror, a wolf looks back.
So, forgive me if my smile looks a little forced

I’m human, with the soul of a wolf.
Everything I am is dying to be free of this human shell.
A soul in the wrong body.
Sometimes I think it’s killing me.
Other times, it keeps me alive.
I didn’t want to be this way.
Give me one, or the other, but not both.
Never both.

Do you know what it’s like to sit in your room, watching the moon and wishing with all your heart that you could be out there, running under it?
Do you know what it’s like to want to escape this body so bad that sometimes you feel like its more than you can possibly stand?
Do you know what it’s like to think that you’re going fucking insane because you look out at a human life with the eyes of a wolf?
I do.

But I accept this.
I can’t ever be more than what I am.
Give me a chance to be wolf for one single fucking second.
I would give anything I own for that chance.
But that is impossible.
I am human, and wolf.
Nothing more, nothing less.

And even though this mix sometimes seems like more than I can stand, I need the wolf.
I would never wish her away, because looking through her eyes keeps me sane just as it sometimes makes me think I’m losing my mind.
This duality is what I am.
And that’s never going to change.
:iconmonsieur-nick:
My general thought on therianthropy, and on being a therian.
:icon:
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:iconskyshell101:
~Skyshell101 Oct 10, 2011  Student General Artist
Hello. I am an Oncilla therian, and despite the feline/canine difference, I saw myself in your poem. The feeling cannot be put into words, but you have done the best job that is possible. I can't put how I feel about your poem into words either, but I hope you understand.

--
~Atiya/Hannah
Reply
:iconmonsieur-nick:
~Monsieur-nick Oct 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much, I understand for sure! :heart:

--
Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle
- Werner Herzog

May the bridges I burn, light my way.
-Otep

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.
-Fight Club
Reply
:iconmoonwillowlady:
~MoonWillowLady Jul 11, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
HA! its relieving to hear the words of my heart down in writing. it is liberating in a way... thank you for you words. they have calmed the emotions inside me for the time being by giving them a voice. thank you.
Reply
:iconmonsieur-nick:
~Monsieur-nick Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome, I'm glad you were able to find such meaning in this piece :hug:

--
Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle
- Werner Herzog

May the bridges I burn, light my way.
-Otep

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.
-Fight Club
Reply
:icontehnerdqueencaroline:
~TehNerdQueenCaroline Jun 24, 2011
It's alwys moving to hear about others' theories and experiences :D

--
"Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither." ~Benjamin Franklin

"You wanna talk about respect? You don't just get respect, you gotta beat it outta people!"~Ambition Core
Reply
:iconmonsieur-nick:
~Monsieur-nick Jun 24, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you dude :heart:

--
Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle
- Werner Herzog

May the bridges I burn, light my way.
-Otep

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.
-Fight Club
Reply
:iconzannawolf:
Mood: Pleased ~ZannaWolf May 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is also me. I very much know w its like...To feel like your true self is trapped...That is why I want to be therian....I do not know ehe r not there is hope for me to change. With the Holy Spirit, I hope I can indeed achieve my am...but only if my Father wills it. Otherwise, as are you, I am hopeless tthe dref being a wolf...with wings...and can fly. But as long as there is hope and my Father, I am going to be happy again someday. Even if it takes years...You never know...With the Holy Spirit's guidance, anything is possible... You only have to believe.... Unless you're atheist and get super angry at me and think I'm stupid...Please don't be angery at me, or think I'm stupid.. I love this work

--
Run free as freedom Forever! <3
Reply
:iconmonsieur-nick:
~Monsieur-nick May 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I am an atheist, but I'm not gonna go all judgemental on someone just because they're christian. If that's what works for you, then awesome, I'm glad =]
I'm a bit confused, though, are you a therian or do you just want to be one?? Just need some clarification lol

--
Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle
- Werner Herzog

May the bridges I burn, light my way.
-Otep

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.
-Fight Club
Reply
:iconzannawolf:
~ZannaWolf May 20, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
because of school im trying to distance myself from the belief to avoid being bullyed or exluded. I am still debating whether or not I am one, because I am a devoted catholic, and my parents are very convincing. I want to be a wolf with all my heart, but as I say, if God doesnt want me t be a wolf, then I wont deny him.... But if God lead me to thia, then he must have a reason. Whether it's an obsticle or what I am, I'll find out someday. I am therian as long as God wants it. If I ever shift...well then I'll know.

--
Run free as freedom Forever! <3
Reply
:iconmonsieur-nick:
~Monsieur-nick May 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, people at school can be assholes sometimes...well, a lot of the time. Large amounts of teenagers crammed into a building together always tends to = bad. You shouldn't change who you are just because a few insecure dumbasses, though. People like that really aren't worth the effort. Well, I don't know much about god, seeing as I'm an atheist and all, but seems to me like if that's what you really are, then he should love you for that anyways despite what some other people might think.

--
Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle
- Werner Herzog

May the bridges I burn, light my way.
-Otep

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.
-Fight Club
Reply
:icon:
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Of Small Men and Long Shadows For too long, the people have been complacent to the greed and corruption that permeates the American government.
We have allowed them to rule our lives, telling us what is right and wrong, how we should behave, what laws should be passed for our own benefit.
We trusted them.  And they have betrayed that trust.
Finally, on the eve of a new decade, our eyes are finally beginning to open, and they fear what we will see when we finally decide to look.

They fight this change, as all governments have, and they seek to keep the people afraid to further their own selfish gains.
They tell us to fear the Terrorist, for he seeks to destrOf Small Men and Long Shadows by ~Monsieur-nick
Death House She sits alone at the dusty table,
collapsed against the back of her chair like a marionette that's had its strings cut.

Her fingers trace the wooden surface, pushing blindly thorough the wadded paper, cigarette butts, and ashes piled around her until they come to rest on an orange lighter and a crumpled pack of Marlboros.
The top flips open, and the air is broken by her softened voice as she finds them empty.
"Fuck."

She casts them aside and fumbles in the ashtray for one of the half-smoked remains.
She lights it, hollow eyes gazing wearily towards the open bedroom door.
Her face holds a haunted expression and the light cast on the rDeath House by ~Monsieur-nick
Life's a Bitch and So Are You The silence hangs between us like a dusty shroud, stretched taunt and ripped apart like spider webs.
It's mid-morning.
A terse goodbye to split the silence and then she's gone.
Night comes and I still can't remember where she went but her face is eating away at my mind
And I know it's time that something must be done.

My eyes close and the sound of an ancient door creaking open breaks the calm that had almost descended.
She stands there, face blank like a dead woman and there isn't anything left to say
And the tension spreads between us like a gunshot as the dust settles in the musty air.
It feels like a coffin closing
and she can't Life's a Bitch and So Are You by ~Monsieur-nick
Good Morning, America I've got Jesus nailed to the crosshairs
And the Sun of God
Is burning out
With a hotter intensity than the black ink
running through the fabric of your Sacred Flags and Holy Screens
Like tar oozing fresh from an open wound.

Your lies are the spear in my side
And your love is a crown of thorns
And a nail through the palm
Is a great way to keep her from picking up the phone or a knife, or a gun
And showing her holy Father
What martyrdom
Really
Fucking stands for
And that is what you wanted, isn't it?
That is what your hatred preaches, after all,
And True God
Can only be found in the eyes
Of the Blind
Because for all you pGood Morning, America by ~Monsieur-nick
Hymns For the Desperate... Picture this:

Porch lights send violent rays of glass cutting through the darkness.
It's cold. Winter. Ground covered in a thin ray of ice.
Smoke roils past your chapped lips, and you cough, choking up the shards
of broken needles and kerosene
drenched wet by the oil
burning
in your dying lungs
And It's been so long,
but
in this lifetime days can feel like years
and you can't help but to
Remember
That he's the reason you started smoking anyways.

You glance downward, feeling the blue of your eyes begin to run over, leaking out past desperate eyes
and lids held closed by Moirae's thread.
This time, it feels like the stHymns For the Desperate... by ~Monsieur-nick
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